In my coaching practice, I often find that some clients would really desire some direct advice from me. For coaches, this scenario is actually quite common in many clients interactions, which could result in some confusion for both coaches and clients. Typically coaches are trained to not give advice directly to clients. I’d like to first elaborate a bit on the reason and the differences between coaching and mentoring/advising, and then share how I assess and handle situations where my clients could benefit from both.
Ok, what is coaching anyways?
Even though coaching as a profession has been growing rapidly for the last hundred years, there is still quite some confusion on its definition among the general public, even among other practitioners within the helping profession realm. According to International Coaching Federation (ICF),
Coaching is partnering with clients in a thought-provoking and creative process that inspires them to maximize their personal and professional potential.
The key is the partnership that facilitates a self-discovery process. The coach’s role is to provoke the thoughts of clients by listening deeply to their narratives, reflecting on their thoughts and emotions, and inquiring with powerful and inspiring questions.
Coaching aims to help the client generate, discover, and reveal insights from their own knowledge, experience and context, and the client always stays in the driver’s seat. A mentor or advisor could well adopt the coaching techniques while working with their client. However, a key component of their roles and responsibilities involves offering the solution to the client directly through recommendations.
That all makes sense; but I really want some advice.
I get this request from time to time. The question I ask myself is, “would giving advice at this moment serve the best interest of the client?” To answer this question, I look at three aspects:
- Are there knowledge gaps that prevent them from generating an insight conceivable enough to instigate change? Sometimes people don’t know what they don’t know, especially in specific professional realms. I would not have been able to figure out a lot of my professional/startup decisions without some advice from outside. In other situations, they might be tunnel visioned by a particular previous experience, and would benefit from being pointed out the blind spots of their perspectives.
- Is my advice relevant enough and most likely to be useful to the client’s situation? I challenge myself in whether my own expertise is transferable to their specific context, and reasonable for them to adopt.
- Can the client take the advice and further their learning? I would like my client to learn how to fish, rather than simply take the fish from me. A piece of advice is most valuable when it can not only help unblock an immediate obstacle, but also be part of the lessons for future scenarios.
If the answers are yes for all the three questions, I would start by saying, “now I’m not going to take off my coaching hat, and offer some advice. But please do take it with a grain of salt as my experience may not be the same as what you’re facing now.” I know some coaches are adamant about not giving any advice in the coaching session because it is not “coaching”. I do agree with the high-level sentiment, but if my client would surely benefit from a piece of advice distilled from my own experience, there is really no reason to shy away from it.
What about talking to a friend, or a therapist?
Talking to a friend can be helpful to us in a lot of situations; but coaching offers undistracted listening that is the key for driving deep insights and real change. We listen all day; but true listening is actually neither what we are doing nor what we’re trained on. As Stephan Covey said, most people do not listen with the intent to learn and understand, but with an intent to reply. They are either speaking or preparing to speak. Coach’s listening is non-judgemental, trusting, and exceptionally objective, through which the power of coaching is unleashed in this type of communication. The coaching relationship also sets it apart from a friendship, which builds the foundation for meaningful self-discovery and improvement.
Coaching and therapy actually share quite a lot of philosophical underpinnings, psychological theories and intervention techniques. My education and training background includes both coaching and counseling/therapy; and I adopt some of the tools that were developed through psychology research as evidence-based approaches. However, the key difference is that coaching does not include diagnoses of mental illness, and does not involve treatment of psychological disorders. The other aspect of difference could manifest in the relative emphasis on a client’s past and to what extent it impacts the client’s future-oriented goals. One of the competencies of a coach is to assess the client and refer them to a therapist when necessary and appropriate. Quite a lot of people could benefit from seeing a coach and a therapist during the same period of time to facilitate different aspects of their growth.
To sum it up, coaching is a journey of self-discovery facilitated by a supportive partnership, distinct from other helping professions in its focus on present and future possibilities. Understanding the nuances of coaching with its unique value, you can determine if this transformative process is the right step for you on the path towards greater purpose and fulfillment in your life.
